A LIFE WELL LIVED
A Life Well Lived
So…
We’re a few weeks into the new year now. How are you doing on those resolutions?
Right about now is when things often start to break down. Our declared commitment, so strong at the start of the year, is postponed, forgotten, or quit because “it isn’t working.”
A quick hack on the “isn’t working” thing—give it 66 days. That’s how long research tells us it takes to build a new, complex habit. If on day 67 it still isn’t working, then by all means, quit.
I feel slightly embarrassed telling you that I’ve been on a silent retreat from the beginning of 2019 until now, so in a sense, my year has just started. “Happy new year,” while perhaps a bit stale to you, feels very fresh to me.
Happy new year.
My friend Jackson is half my age.
It’s good policy to hang out with people half one’s age—if they can tolerate your old, boring ass, that is. Jackson and I do martial arts together, and we first met when he was still in high school in Hong Kong.
Jackson, knowing my profession, used to confide in me.
“Brian,” he said one day after training, “I’m not happy man. I don’t know what to do.”
From my perspective, Jackson seemed to be living a life of pure happiness.
He went to high school (sometimes), smoked weed with his friends on the beach at Stanley (all the time), had 3 or 4 beautiful young women who adored him, and trained in Brazilian jiu-jitsu every night. He was basically living the Dan Bilzerian dream.
“Not happy?” I asked. “What’s missing?”
He thought about this for a long time.
Then he said slowly, as he searched for the words, “I want to experience more…bliss.”
Ah, the pursuit of bliss. A noble aim. Come hang out with me for 2 weeks in my mountain home, turn off your phone, and follow some basic meditation instructions from 5am to 10pm every day, and I promise that you will experience bliss.
However, since you are human, you are also likely to experience less desirable emotions like fear, disgust, misery, panic, heartbreaking sadness, and hopelessness.
It seems that we can’t escape from this. Both ends of the spectrum—and everything in between—are what makes up this human life.
I read recently that our subjective sense of time passing increases dramatically as we age. A month can feel like infinity to a child, while 5 years passes for an adult, and it’s like, “What just happened?” The author of the book claimed that subjectively speaking, if you are currently 50 years old, 95% of your life is over.
Holy shit. I was somewhat stunned by that statement, since I’m nearly 45. 95%? Really?
So knowing all this, and since it’s the start of the year after all, how can one pursue a well-lived life?
I have 5 questions for you that cut right to the heart of the matter.
These are yes or no questions, easy to answer, so maybe you can actually answer them to yourself as you read.
1) Do you enjoy the thing that you spend most of your time doing?
2) Do you have fulfilling relationships, but not so many that you feel overwhelmed trying to keep up?
3) Is the place where you live comfortable and pleasing to you, and tidy so that it’s easy to find your stuff?
4) Do you move your body regularly in a way that is satisfying and energizing?
5) Do you take time to enjoy art—such as books, music, theatre, or museums?
If you can say “yes” to all these, I am so happy for you.
Please don’t think you are “done,” though, because you get one additional question:
Are you contributing something to someone, helping to ease suffering, or leaving something behind that will outlive your existence?
If, on the other hand, you answered, “Well, yes, but…” to any of those first 5 questions, then I’m still happy for you, as you are ahead of the curve. It also suggests, however, that you could take some actions to redesign your life for a greater sense of fulfillment and meaning.
So here’s your additional question:
Do you have a wise teacher, mentor, guide, coach, or someone else helping you out?
If not, please find one. The right support changes everything. I speak to my own coach for 45 minutes every week on Saturday morning at 5am. It’s an odd time, but one that I know I will never miss. It’s usually the best 45 minutes of my week.
Finally, if you answered “no” to some of those 5 questions above—well, now you have a 2019 project.
It’s nice to have a project. It gives us something to do on the weekends. It provides focus and increases confidence as we succeed.
May 2019 bring you exactly what you need.